22 November 2021
Christian Alliance S.Y. Yeh Memorial Primary School
Principal's Letter (III) to the SYY Family: Join hands with parents to help kids build resilience and problem-solving skills
Kids may react differently when they suffer setbacks. Some students will embrace these difficulties, while others will run away. Which one is your kid?
Children with resilience and problem-solving skills will not be too upset when encountering setbacks. They will stay calm, think deeply about the problems, and look for every possible alternative. They seldom feel discouraged when a particular strategy or method does not work. Instead, they will proactively analyze the reasons for failure and refine their approaches until they succeed. They think that the problem is because they have not found the right way, not because of their incapability. Their problem-solving skills were honed from these setbacks, during which the belief in persistence and overcoming problems has been reaffirmed. The belief gives students confidence in putting effort into different tasks.
On the other hand, children lacking these skills are sensitive to setbacks and difficulties, towards which their first reaction is "I can't do it" or "There is no solution". Therefore, they naturally chose to give up or run away from it. Such children are more likely to fall into the vortex of negative emotions. Strong emotional disturbance can even interfere with students' original performance, making them unable to examine the problems correctly and reluctant to try. The result of giving up and escaping makes them further away from success. More importantly, they would not have the opportunity to develop the strength to rise from difficulty. They would never discover their potential and capability. They have less faith in themselves, hence less courage to face challenges. Such a vicious cycle repeats itself.
Nurturing children with resilience and problem-solving skills is parents' collective goal, and especially nowadays, our next generation is facing a more stressful, challenging time than we used to. And how can we guide them to embrace and appreciate the value of challenges and grasp the opportunity to succeed? There are some strategies parents can use to improve their children's resilience and problem-solving skills so that the children can skilfully remove every stumbling block in their journey of growing up.
- An example is better than precept: Parents demonstrate optimism when facing failures.
Instead of lashing out or giving up, parents can show another attitude towards failures, accepting that they are temporarily unable to break through this predicament. Being able to admit defeat is a part of the journey. Things may not work out the way we wanted in our life journey, even if we made all our efforts. Some uncontrollable factors may get in the way of achieving our goals. Some problems may not be fixed immediately, and some may be unsolvable. At this time, parents can genuinely share their experiences and tell their children: Things could be challenging. Even adults cannot solve this promptly. Children growing up in an upbeat atmosphere will steadily develop a positive attitude of accepting difficulties and adjusting their views when facing obstacles.
- To accompany children through frustration.
No one likes to be feeling frustrated. Kids might feel discouraged and want to give up when they first taste the bitterness of failure even if they accept challenges well. They need their parents' gentle support at this critical moment, which will become the courage and strength when they are down. You can use encouraging words such as "You had worked very hard for this assessment. This makes you feel sad, frustrated and discouraged when you did not get the desired result, right? I am with you. And I will be here as long as you need me". We guide them through their negative emotions and then figure out alternatives to solve their problems.
- Provide specific directions for improvement.
Through observation and support, we can give concrete and feasible suggestions for the difficulties and challenges the child is facing or recognize the areas where the child has worked hard. We should first give affirmation then identify room for improvements. We can encourage kids to try, guide them to break through the difficulties in front of them and accompany them to look for different solutions.
Faced with significant setbacks in life, children will need time and space to restore their spirit and strength. Right now, the calmness and patience of parents are excellent support for children. After healing the pain and dealing with their negative emotions in the safe harbour called home, children will have the opportunity to recover rational thinking, re-examine the positive meaning and value of failures and setbacks, and stand up bravely again to face challenges.
The assessment has just been completed. The test papers will be distributed to students starting from today. Parents should show their support and recognition for their kid(s) efforts no matter how many marks they have got. Students are facing different challenges in the new education environment:
Challenge I: Keeping up with the syllabus after face-to-face classes are resumed
Since the pandemic, students in Hong Kong have repeatedly experienced suspension and resumption of classes. With the frequent alternations between online and face-to-face classes, we understand their pressure and worry of finding it hard to adapt to the new normal and not catch up with the learning progress. Having the assessments again in the new school year, the students will inevitably be a little nervous and stressed. For example, our school has developed the measures such as adjusting question types in the assessments for a smooth transition from primary to secondary. Therefore, upper Primary students may need to adapt to the new format. It is normal if students' grades are different from what they have expected. Our teachers will provide appropriate support for these students and find ways to improve their results together. Positive reinforcement and encouragement can help them establish their confidence and face the challenges and pressure fearlessly along with their growth.
Challenge II: The undesirable information exaggerated by online media
Parents should pay more attention to online dramas or games that students may access. Some extreme cartoon videos or web series promote undesirable information such as hurting oneself or solving problems with extreme methods. Parents are suggested to select the content conscientiously and not watch those extreme videos with their kids. For instance, the recent mega-hit Korean series Squid Game adopt extreme performance techniques showing the cruel, competitive process of different games to reveal the difficulties, struggles, and complicated mental processes faced by society's underdogs. However, our students may not understand the complex meanings behind the story. They will receive a lot of misinformation which will affect their values. Parents shall not take this lightly.
While we take good care of our children, we will cultivate them to be courageous and determined despite difficulty (GRIT) wholeheartedly. Let our children see that as long as they practice a little more every day, their problem-solving skills will be improved, which is also a vital element of the growth mindset. Let them learn and accumulate the experience of overcoming difficulties with our gentle support and company so that they can thrive!
In order to thank the parents for their support, we have made a video of students having fun in the activity of "Surrounding the SYY Family with positive energy". We hope that you will enjoy the video.